Everything is different.

Nothing is the same and I hold my hope and my heart in my hands and I cry about it.

The unfamiliar is now where I live, and I have so much work to do on myself and my heart, that I can't talk about it.

I have love and trust and joy that everything will be glorious and happy and fine, but I also worry that I won't make it there, that something will just... stop. 

Stop me.

Stop me from finishing my evolution BACK to myself.

How do I let go of the past and do what I want to do and be who I want to be? 

THE REAL ME.

Dancing was my end all be all.

Singing too.

Throw acting in there, and I would happily die doing all three.

Now I do nothing, because I am in my own way, because comparison is the CONFIDENCE KILLER.

Because I wrote myself off long ago; somehow those voices I had worked SO HARD to shut up, those critics, and judgy people... somewhere, they got IN. 

Because I think I am too old, too heavy, too much, too SCARED. 

I can still do it: I am not dead.

I just have to believe.

I have to remember what it feels like to be myself unabashedly, without worrying over consequences, or failure.

Failure used to be an opportunity to learn for me; not an excuse to NOT TRY.

I have always been myself; I am just going to try and share more of the realness I hold; the creativity, and the BOLD abandon for joy -- to SPREAD the joy, instead of supporting others doing the spreading.

Welcome back heart; I hear you.