Needy November:

I am not good at asking for help.
I have been this way my whole life; it feels as though if I need help, I am somehow a weaker person.
The truth about asking for help is this: You are a STRONGER person if you're able to ASK FOR HELP.

Our Sam was born the day after my birthday. He was 8 pounds and one ounce and 21.5 inches of amazing.

I won't go into the details of his birth on this medium, except to say that I did as I expected to almost the end, and then everything went wonky for me.

Sam was born safely; I birthed successfully, but things that I didn't expect to happen kept on happening.

The end of his birth was a shock.
Healing was a shock and never before have I been forced to ask for so much help.
I could not imagine going through any of this alone.

I had no idea that time would go through Christmas, and I am still not completely healed.

I am going to write out the story of our birth experience one day, but I'm not sure if I'll post it here.

The good news is: Samuel is an incredible baby. He and I have bonded and worked so hard for each other. My partner and husband Jody is amazing and has gone above and beyond the call of duty for a mate.

The bitter news is: I am still healing emotionally and physically.

Every day things get better, and of course I am grateful for our baby every day.

The thing is, when someone has something crazy difficult to deal with, and every one says "But focus on the positive outcome," it's INVALIDATING to the person who went through, or is currently going through something hard.

Handling a life-altering, insanely difficult task is an immense thing to have to process and continue processing; be it trauma or something that you thought you chose that continues to be a daily struggle.

Never judge anyone until you've walked two moons in their moccasins.

Be kind and don't tell someone to "Look at the bright side," until they're ready… so guess what? They KNOW what the bright side is, but it's not an option for them in their process right now. Maybe they'll get there, maybe they won't, but trying to force a person's perspective is like trying to shove a book through through a keyhole: it's going to be an impossible, tearing mess that makes you want to cry sometimes.

This entry is dedicated to Krissy and Heidi.

All my love.